How much time is too much time to spend scrolling and trolling on social media?
Is it possible to get addicted to our phones? Similar to drinking, drugs and gambling, can social media be the latest addiction affecting our generation?
Studies show Dopamine a neurochemical, often referred to as the “reward molecule” is released and flows from our brains to our fingertips in response to receiving “likes,” shares and comments on social media.

This is the same chemical released after having an awesome workout, or being on the receiving end of a much needed hug. We as a society are now relying on our social media accounts to feel a sense of belonging and social reinforcement.

Often we create expectation while  generating  a new post on our social media accounts. Expectation that can either lead to a positive, or far too often a negative outcome.

Although We temporarily feel good after receiving the desired attention or instant gratification of a post, what happens when we don’t receive as many “likes” as we had originally anticipated?
Do you ever feel a sense of disappointment when you don’t hit your “like” goals? And if you do, do you delete the post all together?
Have you ever compared your physique or life to strangers on the internet?
I’m guilty.

It wasn’t until recently I realized that I’ve allowed my mood and feelings to be significantly impacted by insignificant factors, such as “likes” and even the opinions of complete strangers. I’ve seen pictures and status updates from “friends” and “followers” that have made me angry and resentful, bitter and envious.

Rarely if ever, am I able to put my phone down after a social media binge and confidently say I feel a sense of accomplishment, or that I’ve invested my time wisely into learning something new. I’ve come to the consensus that scrolling through depressing and negative articles, selfies, and insignificant status updates on my newsfeed isn’t a relaxing or productive way to spend my sparse amount of down time.
How much of my finite daily energy am I spending on social media bullshit?
The answer: Too much.

Six years ago I made a promise to myself. That promise was to always strive for greatness and to approach each day as a new opportunity to learn and grow. To be a better me than yesterday. And although I’ve stayed true to my goals and aspirations, I’ve allowed my self worth to be dictated and measured by the acceptance of others.

I felt obligated to make a change the moment social media started to become more of a negative element of my life and less a positive tool.

Under the spell of social media, I felt pressure to achieve and sustain an admirable image. Pressure I put upon myself. I was becoming less authentic and increasingly more obsessive. I was looking for validation through others. I was measuring my self worth with instagram likes, and although I knew it was wrong, it felt good to be accepted and liked.

I’ve used my social media accounts in the past as a way to document my journey into a healthier lifestyle. I’ve transformed my body and life for my friends, family and followers to witnesses. Ive shared my story in hopes to inspire others and encouraged those in similar situations to embark on their own endeavors towards personal growth. My aim has been to be a positive influence, to empower women and help people see their true potential.

I continuously strive to live a healthy lifestyle, physically mentally and spiritually. It took me some time to come to terms with the fact that I have allowed social media to create mentally unhealthy habits that I knew I had to address.
This past June I competed in the APF National powerlifting meet. I began training and preparing for this meet eight months prior. I meal prepped religiously, trained for hours a day- sometimes multiple times per day. I took supplements in the morning, more supplements before bed. I was adamant about getting a minimum of eight hours of rest every night. I turned down every invitation I received to go out with friends. I stayed away from alcohol and I restricted my carb intake. At the time I was also suffering from a hip injury that I refused to fall victim to. I pushed through every training session, often leaving the gym feeling mentally and physically exhausted.

No pain, no gain, right?
I put my body through absolute hell. Powerlifting consumed my life, but I never took my eyes off the prize.
The week of weigh ins I did an extreme water cut and dehydrated myself completely in order to make weight at 148 pounds. I remember vividly tossing and turning the night before, unable to sleep because my body was in absolute survival mode.

I looked int he mirror and saw abs, for the first and only time in my life. I remember smiling  and saying to myself, “there, you did it. You have proven its possible.”
I achieved the goal I set for myself. I won a world record, and received first place in my weight class. I limped off the platform as my nagging hip injury finally got the best of me. Nevertheless, i was a champion, but now what?

I posted a mirror selfie showing off my never before seen abs and I began receiving messages from people telling me that I looked great. I got continuous support and was told how amazing my transformation has been to watch. I was told I was inspiration, it doesnt get much more rewarding than that.

All that feedback was beyond generous and  amazing to hear, but it also left me  feeling as though I had great big shoes to fill. An image to uphold. In my head I knew all along this body would be impossible to maintain. I felt like absolute death. How am i going to face these people once I go on to live life normally?
I panicked.

Sure enough, the abs I was so proud to bare for the world, disappeared as soon as I began to eat normally again. I felt as though I let my friends, family and followers down. I felt like I let myself down. I began to feel ashamed of myself for not being able to maintain this unhealthy physical state and I wanted to just disappear for a while.

The week following my powerlifting meet I went to Florida for a much needed vacation with my son. I found myself feeling guilty and terrible about myself after indulging on an ice-cream cone. I felt as though I was doing something wrong by enjoying margaritas poolside. I remember thinking to myself this is no way to live. I’m a prisoner of my own unrealistic expectations. Standards that I’ve set for myself.
In order to free myself from the unhealthy social habits and body image I acquired, I challenged myself to be social media free for sixty straight days. I shared my plans with people close to me, some who said I’d never make it but one who made all the difference and encouraged me to try.

I deleted the apps from my phone and made an effort to mentally prepare for this much-needed detox.

I experienced a variety of interesting thoughts and emotions during the first few weeks without social media. Ranging from feeling depressed, invisible, worthless to then feeling a sense of freedom and relief.

The pressure I put upon myself to always be at my best started to dissipate. I was no longer living my life for others but for myself.
As the days passed, I no longer felt the urge to check or post on social media. It was nice to feel as though I was “off the grid.” I started to enjoy life a little more and worry a little less.

I was able to enjoy experiences without feeling the need to take out my phone and document it. I was able to build and strengthen relationships without the distraction of my post notifications going off every seven seconds. I was able to have a beer without feeling guilty and worrying about gaining weight.

I was able to rehab my hip injury and take some much-needed time off from rigorous training.I read four books, just with the time i would normally spend scrolling through my social media feeds.

Most importantly I was able to do a little soul searching in privacy, without the distraction and pressure of social media.
Two months passed and I was no longer addicted to social media. I also was no longer feeling ashamed of my body from comparing it day after day to instagram models and photoshop.

I began to appreciate my body more, and resent it less.

This body of mine has proven itself to me time and time again yet I still have the ugly tendency to question its worth. During my time out I came to the realization of just how great this body has been to me over the years.

I tell it to lose weight, gain muscle, lift that, push this, and amazingly it listens. It was asinine to feel ashamed of the body that carried a nine pound baby. The body that was sliced open and stapled shut. The body that provided over 1,000 meals to my newborn. The body that has lost over seventy pounds. The body that went from being completely sedentary to being able to lift 365 lbs of pure iron off the floor. The body that has surpassed all my original fitness expectations and carried me to the platform where I earned a world record for bench press.
Shame on me for feeling anything but pride while looking back and seeing the progress I’ve made.

The body I have built.

I preach about the importance of self-love and acceptance. This was a crucial time in my life to lead by example and practice what I preach.
This detox has taught me that growth is not linear. We progress, we digress. We have moments where we feel unstoppable  and moments we feel inadequate. I’ve made the mistake of getting caught up in the hype and relying on validation from others to determine my self-worth. I have let social media influence my body image, interfere with relationships and rob me of time I will never get back.

Detoxing from social media has contributed positive insight to add to my collection of lessons learned. My goal is no longer to achieve and maintain perfection, but to summons the courage from within to stay real and undeniably flawed.